| What I wrote on myspace.com |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|01:45 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
my engineering track, but actually sitting down and thinking it all through with my advisor I decided music is where my passion is. It is what I know I am good at.
I didn't get to bed until like 2 am last night and woke up at 5 on my own. I was looking pretty haggard but oh well. After my shower, I looked set to kill. ;)
The partying (you can call it that anyways) last night was awesome. It consisted of us sitting down mostly, but we did roll someone down the stairs in a trash can and a group nearly broke the damn elevator. I would've been with them, but I got close enough to doing that Freshman year of High School at the Alamodome. :p
When y'all from orientation finally get around to adding me, I have to say, it was great meeting all of y'all. We'll have way too much fun for our own good this upcoming year.
Now, on to the bullshit. I can't complain too much about what happened with my plans for wednesday or tonight. They were kind of haphazardly thrown together, but it is discouraging. I was supposed to have a date to the movies tonight, even though I am tired as hell, but that fell through. Wednesday I was supposed to do something with the same person, and that didn't happen either. Just makes you feel kind of bad, like everything is working against ya. Oh well, I will keep on trying. Never know what will happen until you do it. (certain subjects don't apply)
Now, I have also been having some difficulties with someone who will remain unnamed. You know who you are. LIke, hate, it doesn't matter anymore. I know what I need to do. Do you?
Time to end this blog. I get to head to Houston tommorrow for a wedding, but I will also see my bro. That makes me happy. Of course, sleep comes after I check out Prey. This game looks sweet.
Anyways, goodnight everyone. Y'all sleep good. |
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| Have pain will travel.... |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|12:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
So, Megan's come out and said it. About damn time. I had a feeling this was coming, but it makes it no different. It hurts still. I have failed in life once more. Why does it hurt like this? Each time, it feels just as bad. I now feel empty. Sure, we never really did get close, but I had hope. I guess that is my problem. I let my mind get drawn in and believed that something would happen.
Well, something happened alright. No chance in hell is what I have. Not enough things in common. I can do better. Empty words coming from her. What if I didn't want to do better?
I can't do better anyways. They all find a reason to stay at arm's length away from me. They always find a reason to not get close. I hate it. I am getting back to the point where I hate my life. And, as per standard conversation as these things go, she still wants to be friends and talk online. Yeah, that sounds about right. They dress you down, make you feel insignificant because of all of your shortcomings and problems, and then want to be friends just willy nilly. I guess I can be satisfied with friends, but I am tired of nobody wanting to get close to me. It is started to make me think that I am not good enough for anybody, that I am tainted in someone and have a giant sign that says "KEEP AWAY AT ALL COSTS. DANGER LURKS HERE."
I hate it. Now, I think I just need some time to cry. That usually helps. |
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| A feeling of...blah |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|11:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | C&C soundtracks | ] |
Yup, that's right. I feel 'blah' right now. I don't really know of I feel. I mean, my right arm is kind of torn up from what all we did yesterday, and the shoulder has definately been in better shape. Then I had to listen ot my drunk dad bitch about shit on the way home from my brother's house. Then I get home and get drawn into an RP that I was really not in the mood for. Then the one person that I actually wanted to talk to, Megan, doesn't want to IM people. Yet, she sends and IM to me that was meant for someone else. What the hell?!
I don't know if I feel angry, sad, or just don't care. I think I just don't care, and if you know me, that is NOT a good thing. If I don't care, something is horribly wrong. Sure, I may say that I don't care at times, but I don't mean it. I DO care. That is who I am. I care so much it hurts at times.
*sigh*
I'm worried that Megan just might be teasing me. I don't want to get hurt. I would like to know if I should just cut my losses and sever meaningful contact now. Oh, sure, it sounds kind of harsh and all, but that is the only way that I have been able to get over someone. When you aren't in steady contact hoping for something good to happen, you just sort of forget about any feelings you have for them. It's like quitting cold turkey. Without them there, they just fade away.
Curse my feelings for others, they only get me hurt. What do I do? I am quite certain that getting a job will help me out becuase I will have something to do, and who knows, I might even meet some cute girl that I otherwise wouldn't.
*sigh*
I'm hopeless. I am a guy who is a romantic and has seen to many movies, read too many books, and listened to too much country. I'm hopeless.
I need to quit this bellyaching, but it is just hard to whenever you get ignored by someone who claims to be a friend, yet they talk to other people. That's something that is known as rude, and it actually falls into the category of bitchy. NOT something I like. I'm going to stop writing this now before I say something really stupid. I either need sleep, or someone that I can just talk to without a problem.
*sigh* |
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| What a week... |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|01:39 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | iPod - Writing Playlist | ] |
Well, this week has been interesting. Monday was nothing really, least not that I can remember today. Tuesday was fun going to the movies with Megan. We met Aaron and Vicki there and saw The Omen. The movie was definately worth the time, and it was great just getting to hang out with Megan. When I got home though, I got bitched out about where I can and cannot get a job and how my going to college is really going to hurt us financially. I wish my dad wouldn't drink, all it does is hurt us more. Wednesday, yesterday, there was a thing at the library that Aaron and I helped to run. It was pretty fun, but I got a little burnt because of it. I need to spend more time out in the sun and get a good tan going I guess, so I don't get burnt as much. Then there was today. I did nothing really. Just sat around my room and vegetated.
And ya know, I don't know if I am getting mixed signals from Megan, or if I am just reading them wrong. I still like her. That's a given, though, I don't know if I really want to anymore. I mean,oh how do I say this? I WANT to like her, and I do; however, I only want to like her if it actually means something might happen. Does that make sense? I don't want it to be pointless and have myself get all fucked up again. I just don't know.
Anyways, tommorrow is a new day, or when I wake up it is a new day. However you want to look at it, I get a clean slate, I guess.
http://forum.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?t=95706&page=13
I have been writing again for a game I am in. Just click the link above and read the posts done by Mad_Wookie, that's me. The post right after mine done by Duneczan with the title "???" in bold is also part of the story. So far, I think that it is turning out pretty good. I need to write some more on it tommorrow if I can figure out just how I want to do it.
Anyways, I need to stop fretting over all the stuff that is bothering me, even though it isn't bothering me that much really. I have been able to ignore it quite well. *sigh* There are times when I hate being me. Well, goodnight y'all. Sleep good. |
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| Kind of surprising actually.... |
[May. 31st, 2006|03:32 pm] |
| You Are 64% Evil | 
You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot. |
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| Do I let people just walk over me? |
[May. 30th, 2006|11:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
I don't know the answer to this question really. I mean, I tend to do a lot of stuff for people that I know, and I guess that it is fairly easy to take advantage of me. I don't know, y'all tell me. I'm just tired of being let down whenever I start to feel something for someone. |
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| Should I stay, or should I go? |
[May. 29th, 2006|07:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
I was asking myself this not too long ago. Well, 30 minutes ago now, but still, it wasn't THAT long ago. I was at Megan's grad party, and I am sorry, it just kind of failed. The food was good though, kudos on that one, but the atmosphere just didn't jive with me. I don't know, maybe it was because I was still in the clothes that I had worn to the solo and ensemble competition earlier today. I am proud to say that I was the best damn looking guy there. ;p
Anyways (ha! I no longer say anywho), driving to Austin was a neat experience. Traffic wasn't bad at all until I got on the otherside of where 290 joined in with 35. That was when I was hitting the brake more than the accelerator. Then, I managed to go PAST the exit that I had to take, so I was driving all over the place behind the university trying to find the parking garage near where I had to perform. That's not all either, after that, I started heading for the wrong building, had to turn around, and didn't notice that I could've just gone up two levels and walked straight to the building. Oh no, I walked around the whole damn block. It had to have been like a mile and a half worth of walking before I even reached the building. I was sweating so badly, and I looked so good before that! :(
Well, after getting inside, things were a bit hectic until I found Matt Evans, then things cooled down. Jeremy and I tried to warm-up while Bobby played in his first ensemble, and I guess we did an okay job for warming up, but that's about it. When Bobby finally joined us, the wind picked up and started blowing our music every which way. We couldn't even get half way through the piece without our music deciding to go on a trip. Well, I guess that our performance went okay. The judge said that I was too loud in the beginning, but isn't forte supposed to be loud? I am figuring that we got a 2 which is pretty damn good for my first, and only, time at the Texas State Solo and Ensemble Contest.
Now, plans for the future. Well, tommorrow I have to go to the high school, then I am going to come on home and rest. Same thing for Wednesday. I just don't really have anyone to do anything with. On Thursday, I might started working at Andy's River Toobs just down the street, so I will start making money which is a good thing. I need to go ahead and start saving money to pay for expenses during the upcoming school year.
I think that I am going to do great in college. I know that I will have to adjust to college life, but I think that Aaron and I will be able to do that without a problem at all. I hope that I will be able to find some good ensembles to play in, maybe even a Ska band. Man, playing Ska would be awesome. Main plan right now though: don't mess up. Simple, right? It may seem simple, but I know that if anyone can screw stuff up, it would be me. I have faith though, and that is all that I need to survive in this world.
That's all for now. If something comes up that bothers me later tonight, I'll be sure to leave a little blurb. Y'all stay cool now. |
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| Thinking... |
[May. 28th, 2006|12:52 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | George Strait - The Fireman | ] |
Well, I've been thinking again, but this time it is a good thing. I am getting happier and happier the more I think. I am out of my slump! Man, I am so proud of myself. With a little music, seeing all the people that do appreciate you, and personal drive, you can accomplish anything. I am almost back on top of the world. Today, since it is after midnight after all, I am getting a party throw just for me! That's cool!
Of course, it's not like I don't still have my share for problems though, but those will sort themselves out. I just need to keep my chin up and be happy. If I can stay happy, I can attempt to make my friends happy which will make me happier. It is an awesome cycle. :p
Oh well, I don't know what else to say. Y'all sleep well now. |
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| Just my luck... |
[May. 27th, 2006|12:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
I think that I have horrible luck. I mean, things were looking sorta up with Megan and all, but then it goes south. You know what, from what I experienced, it was probably for the better anyways. So now, I am doing damage control, getting back on track to where I was before the whole relationship thing cropped up.
I was really doing good, then this happened, but hey, what is life without the speedbumps you fly off of? Well, it would probably be better for me, but the fires of today temper us for the battles of tommorrow. Oi, my life sure isn't dull.
Well, I don't know what else to say. I fucked up with Megan. That's a given, but life will return to normal for me quickly. Just need to tell myself that and go back to what I normally do, and who knows what the future has in store. I graduate tommorrow, today now, and I will be entering college. Certainly there are a lot of eligible girls out there that I will have a chance at trying to get with. Only time will tell. |
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| The Beatles rock! |
[May. 23rd, 2006|01:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Beatles | ] |
Yeah, so I am sitting here in front of my computer being bored as hell. I found myself getting kind of sad becuase of the boredom, so what did I do? I turned on The Beatles. There is just something about their music that really cheers me up. It is very upbeat and just cool. :D
Anywho, onto other things. I was supposed to see Megan at the high school today, but I didn't see her. I guess I managed to either look in the wrong places or she just wasn't there yet. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to talk to her tonight. Sorry Megan!
Well, just a few more days until I have graduated from Smithson Valley High School. I am so excited! After high school I am going straight to college, none of this take a year off stuff. It will be hard, yes, but I think that we will be able to manage as long as I can get a Pell Grant and some student loans. And frankly, if I have some friends there along with me, it shouldn't be a problem at all.
Guess I am going to go ahead and end this little blurb now. See y'all later. |
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| Hook, Line, and Sinker |
[May. 21st, 2006|09:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | online radio | ] |
That saying is perfect for how I feel right now. I have been caught completely. When I can't change my thoughts away from something/someone, I am truly 'lost' to it/them. I am quite certain that this sounds pathetic, but someone once told me to say what I felt no matter how pathetic it sounded to me. In this particular instance, the person that has me is a girl by the name of Megan. Yes, she is more than likely going to read this, but maybe that's another reason for writing this. I find things easier to say if I just write them before hand and give myself a script. It ain't perfect, but it conveys ideas easier for me. Then, if there is anything that needs clarification, I can do that.
Oh, I don't know what I am going on about. This is actually stressful for me. I want an answer now, but I also respect her wanting to take her time when it comes to something like this. I wish I knew more about this guy that I am up against, but that doesn't matter. I need to get it in my head that 'I' will be the one that she chooses, not the other guy.
Yet, a country song comes to mind where a similar thing was happening. A girl deciding between two guys, and the singer having to find out the hard way by driving by her house. I don't want to be the singer.
Why am I sitting here worrying so much? I have to have faith in myself, and I must believe that she will choose me. I mean, she is beautiful, intelligent, even though she would prolly deny that when it comes to physics, and there is just something about her that I am attracted to that I cannot explain.
I just need to stop writing. She isn't going to get on tonight if she isn't on by now. Well, I hope that she does. I got to talk to her today, and that was nice.
Megan, if you read this and it upsets you for some reason, talk with me.
*disappears before he says anymore* |
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| Confidence Booster |
[May. 21st, 2006|01:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
So, it would appear that I have managed to make the short list when it comes to getting a chance to date this girl I am into. Yes, I am aware that she will probably read this...hi Megan...but I really don't care.
I would say that I am surprised. Well, ok, I will say that I am surprised. I have just been suffering from confidence problems in the past, but this has really given me a major confidence boost. Not to mention the one award I did get tonight at Band Banquet.
Ok, y'all are prolly wondering about this "Band Banquet." In the band, we lovingly call it Band Prom because that is what it is. It is a major thing for the band where we recognize Seniors that are graduating and other students that have done an outstanding job. This year, I almost thought I got nothing, but I was awarded the Louis Armstrong Award for outstanding jazz musician. I am so proud of myself for that. I really love playing Jazz becuase it is just so emotional. You can do so much while playing it, and it is a good way to convey a message to someone you have feelings for.
I also spoke with Katy tonight, and it would seem that everything is back to normal. I am happy with that. Things didn't work out between us, but that doesn't meant that we can't be friends. Anyways, she is going to be going to Schreiner in Kerville, which is quite a distance away, so I doubt I will see much of her. If I even hear from her, I will be surprised.
Anywho...gah, Megan has converted me to saying that now. Ok, for some odd reason my left arm is hurting me about 2 inches away from my wrist. I guess that I am just so tired that my body is finally starting to complain. I'll go ahead and write some more later.
Y'all sleep well now. |
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| Thinking makes me get confused.... |
[May. 19th, 2006|06:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Legend of Zelda Soundtrack | ] |
So, I am sitting here now doing nothing. Huh, that's a recurring theme it would seem. Anyways, I've been thinking, and we all know what that means. Whenver I think, bad things tend to happen becuase I always, and I do mean always, think too much into a problem. I just keep making it get larger and worse the more I think about it.
You are probably now wondering what I am going on about. Well, I guess I can tell you. I am having problems expressing my true feelings for someone. They know that I do have interest in them, and that really is a start. It's a start, but it isn't enough. They have asked me why I liked them, and I didn't have a sufficient answer for myself, though it seemed to be good enough at the time. No, I have thought on that subject more in depth now that I have time.
Here is what I have come up with:
* I like here for her personality. It really is great and my day is happier just being around her. That's a plus right?
* Well, she certainly is pleasing on the eyes and that definately is a plus, yet, looks are only skin deep, it is what is beneath that really counts.
* That's the next point. What is beneath from what I have seen says she is an awesome person in my eyes. Mine are the only ones that count too, right?
Ok, so I haven't really come up with all that many reasons, but they are good reason. Well, I think they are good reasons anyways. So, now I sit here and wait for her to get online. If anything, I just want to talk to her about random crap, stuff that went on during the day, and other stuff that doesn't matter.
I have to say, I have hope. It's the only thing I really have at times, but it is amazing how far it will take you. Now, I am in the writing mood, so I think I will try to write some stories or something. Who knows, maybe I will finally get the start on that epic sci-fi novel I have always been wanting to write. :) |
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| What's goin on? |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|11:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
Ok so, the past two days have sucked. Well, today wasn't as bad, but it could have been better.
Yesterday, I am proud of myself for this, I swallowed my fear and asked this cute girl out on a date Saturday after I get back from PALs Convention. Flat out no. :( I don't know why she said no. I mean, she said that she was doing nothing. All I can guess is, that I am just no desireable. :(
Yeah, depressing thoughts, but it is how I feel nonetheless. She smiles and says hi to me in the hallways, so maybe there is something else. I don't know. All I know is that I have to get gas in the morning or else running on fumes will be a thing of the past, and cars do not work well on oxygen alone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|12:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Music | ] |
You answered "yes" to 286 of 1500 questions, making you 80.9% sexually pure (19.1% sexually corrupt); that is, you are 80.9% pure in the sex domain.
Your Weirdness Factor (AKA Uniqueness Factor) is 8%, based on a comparison of your test results with 134971 other submissions for this test.
I give myself just a few more years for my corruption to increase. :p |
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| Hmm, something interesting.... |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Barber's Adagio | ] |
So, I am intrigued by this Astral Projection and generally other things involving the use of the mind. I picked up this book called "Astral Projection: The Out-of-Body Experience", and I think that it is really helping me. So far, I have learned that I have next to no patience. Ok, so I already knew that, but this reaffirms it.
I think that the hardest part that I have currently encountered is my "Etheric Viewing". The earlier excersies evolve around you being able to see your own astral substance that you put off. Well, I can't really see anything; however, tonight I DID see a little bit of a grayish substance linking my two ring fingers after doing the first exercise. Needless to say, this has gotten me very intrigued.
Apparently, there are a lot of neat things you can do with astral projection, not all of which are related to the actually out-of-body experience part. You can create an astral being that is connected to you to go gather information. You can create a sphere of astral substance to carry a message to a person for you. I have to say, it is all very cool; of course, I can only barely see the strands between my fingers, let alone create a sphere and give it a purpose. One step at a time, eh?
I think that this is something I will keep y'all updated on. Oh well, time for bed.
Sleep well everyone. |
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| It just keeps getting better... |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|05:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | iTunes Library (aka ALL of my songs) | ] |
Ok, so Sunday I learned that I am going to be an Uncle! Cheryn, my brother's wife, is 9 weeks along I think. All I know is that I will have a niece/nephew sometime around August. It would be kinda cool if he/she was born on my birthday of the 12th. :p
I haven't been able to wipe the grin off of my face for more than 5 minutes at a time. Michael and Cheryn told everyone on Sunday by handing out denim button-up shirts with what the baby will call us embroidered on the left breast. I'm going to be Uncle Jon! This is just too cool. :D
And it gets better! I just got accepted to Texas State University - San Marcos (Southwest Texas)!!! You can see where I am going to go here: http://www.txstate.edu/
I'm just so happy right now!
Oh yeah, my Christmas (none of that PC crap here!) present from my mom this year was a 30GB iPod. This thing is just too cool. I know that they have their problems, but my brother got one. I figure that if he likes it, I will like it, and so far, I have to say that I am impressed. I spent an hour trying to get the car accessory that lets me listen to it in my car to work, but that was more 'user error'. :p
Well, I have to go check on my grandma and do her shot. She has diabetes and can't see well anymore, but we help her to get along. She just gets bored during the day because she is by herself.
Till later everyone! |
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| So what if I don't write much |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|01:50 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Something I deem worthy in my collection | ] |
Yeah, I know. I am horrible at updating this thing. Perhaps if I bookmark it and MAKE myself check it everday I will. ;)
Oh, where to start. I have no clue. A lot of stuff has happened since the last time I wrote one of these entries. I guess I will ge the simple stuff out of the way.
Do I have a girlfriend yet? Nope! No luck in that department, and while it is a bit discouraging, I have been too lazy to drive more than five minutes away from my house.
Is everything going 'ok' in life? I guess you could say that. I mean, I have no complaints really. I wouldn't mind being a little less stressed out; however, this two week holiday break has really helped lower my stress level.
This next semester should be easy, but then again, it is the rush to the end of my Senior year in High School. Man, it's hard to believe that I graduate in June. I never would've thought that this year would fly by so fast.
Heh. Norton Anti-Virus is still scanning my computer. It has been scanning it for the past few hours now. So far, it has gone through 460 THOUSAND files.
Ugh, back on the girlfriend topic. It is actually bothering me now that I am thinking about it. Still have this thing for the girl that I dated for about a month last year. You see, the thing is, we never got to go on any dates. Her parents wouldn't let her do a thing, and we got a grand total of 15 minutes to see each other everyday at school. I just feel like I didn't get a fair chance, but oh well. We've discuessed the whole matter and completely smoothed things over. We actually talk more now, and hell, the more I talk to her, the more I like her. We actually have a lot in common, and come to find out, she actually enjoys computer games. Not just any computer game either, the kind of games that I play. Well, the ones that don't involve a hell of a lot of bloodshed. Alas, why aren't things working out? This is so damn frustrating. I have to say though, I still have hope that we will get together sometime in the future; however, I am NOT letting that get in the way of my dating anyone else. There is one problem though, an opportunity with someone else is not presenting itself. :(
Oh well, that's not something I need to be thinking a whole lot about. I should find out if I got accepted to Texas State University - San Marcos within the next week. Only college I applied to, so I AM a bit nervous.
I am going to be a Music Major. If you know me, that is a MAJOR switch (no pun intended :P) from what I was going to do before. You see, I am really good at math and science. That means engineer, right? Well, I figured that, while I DO love to design things and know how they work, I wouldn't be able to enjoy it has a lifelong job. Now you see, I am a member of our high school band. Hell, I have been in band since sixth grade. I like to think that I am pretty good at playing my Trombone. (I sit top chair after all.) Well, I decided to pursue something I KNOW I would love doing, and that is teaching music. I want to help others come to love music as I have by learning how to perform it. There is just something about knowing how to play one of the more classical instruments and how it affects your outlook on other music. When you play enough music, you start to appreciate what goes into it.
Well, it is quite late here. Ok, it is only 1:48 A.M., but I have to drive to Houston to see my brother for New Year's in a number of hours.
Happy New Year's y'all.
- Jon |
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